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Monday, March 06, 2006

Resolution Number 1

So to keep the world from ending, we have to come up with ideas of how to stop Barry Bonds. Seriously, if he wasn't to hit another home run we would be really happy, especially since when he breaks Babe Ruth's old record things are going to really start getting bad. Therefore, we here at Bringer of Doom are going to have to come up with legitimate ideas of how to stop this guy. This will take creativity, ingenuity, etc. and clearly those are qualities lacking in this website. And really, killing or injuring the guy isn't going to cut it. If it happens naturally, thats fine with us. Injury that is. So... if you do have any good ideas of how to stop this guy, here is your chance to be heard. Email us at

Now for our first idea of how to stop Barry Bonds. We have a few favorite baseball players. Number one on the list is Hank Aaron, of course, but there are more who will hopefully aid us on our quest to save the world. The first guy that could help us is Ritty's favorite Brave's pitcher of all-time: John Rocker. The Mouth of the South. We aren't worthy enough to have ever met the guy, but we are about 99% sure John Rocker HATES Barry Bonds (His feature is coming soon, don't worry).

So how could this guy stop Barry Bonds from getting anywhere near 755 home runs? Easy. If John Rocker pitched to Barry Bonds every single at-bat, the guy would probably hit like 5 or 6 bombs all year. Maybe. And that would probably only be if Rocker was sober, which we hope is very rare. Very rare. He might break all of his Walk records, but who cares. If he walked everytime he stepped up to the plate the world wouldn't blow up. But chances are Rocker would bean Bonds 9 times out of 10 because like we said before, Rocker HATES Barry Bonds. We hope. This would serve two purposes. One, Barry couldn't go yard if Rocker is ricocheting 95 mph fast balls off Barry's knee caps, and two, Barry's knees would eventually give out anyway. Rocker hates Bonds but he also HATES knee caps. Probably.

And by the way...our man Rocker is going to be on that new show Pros vs. Joes . Should be awesome. Now if we can only get him to follow the Giants around the country only pitching to Bonds.


Blogger Barrett Sallee said...

I have been out with your man Rocker a few times; and yes, he does hate Barry effing Bonds. He has told me that on a few occasions. He isn't a big fan of Piazza either.

9:09 AM  
Anonymous Matt Kornegay said...

You know who else hates Barry Bonds. Mr. CHUCK NORRIS. And he could do something about it. Try a round house kick to the knee caps for starters.

11:32 AM  
Blogger roid rage said...

I like Rocker, despite his not-so-goood stint with my Rangers, but his website is pretty funny. At least he has a hot publisist.

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Debi said...

As Rocker's publicist, I have to admit that I don't know of any animosity towards Bonds. I'll be sure and forward your blog to John. Cool concept either way.

Roid rage...thanks for the compliment : )


8:12 PM  

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