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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

No. 710

Bonds hit number 710 yesterday. Great. I didn't find out until this morning. I should have known since I woke up with a headache, a slight cough, and to top it off a moose snuck up on me in class.

I am beginning to think that I have it a little bit wrong. Maybe Bonds isn't the "Bringer of Doom" per se but merely the cause of Doom. Rather I think Steve Trachsel is the actual Bringer of Doom. Bringing it in a nice little 85 mph straight as a string fastball of an apocalyptic handbasket. Bonds sent a 1-1 pitch from Trachsel over the left field fence...again (last time it killed Douglas Adams). Thanks a lot Steve.

Even Steve knows he stinks.

The sad thing is that Bonds' solo shot was the only run the Giants could manage off Trachsel. Good luck on the championship you have always wanted in San Fran Barry. Even sadder is the fact that Bonds hobbled out to left field to cheers from the Giants "faithful." Saddest of all is the guy who was (probably) cheering the Bonds HR on his truck radio, license plate #6Y42661, when he struck some poor kid from Florida who was crossing a highway near San Francisco. The driver hit the guy and sped off. If you have information call CHP at (707) 588-1400. Via

In other "related" news, police are hunting killer chimpanzees in Sierra Leone who killed a taxi driver and injured three Americans. I have a couple of theories on this. Maybe the chimps know everything and are just pissed about Barry hitting home runs, because they are baseball purists like that fucker Ed- star of the worst baseball movie of all time.

Or maybe they are badass, save the world type of monkeys who broke out of the zoo and are now trying to make their way to San Francisco to stop Barry themselves. Considering National Treasure is on right now, that idea at least seems plausible for a Jerry Bruckheimer/Nic Cage movie. Either way if that's not a sign that bad things happen when Bonds hits bombs, I don't know what is (I mean monkeys killing people not necessarily that National Treasure was made).

Ass Clowns.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an ugly, little blog.

7:35 PM  

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