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Monday, May 08, 2006

Barry One Away From Second Place

So Barry went yard yesterday. Thanks a lot Jon Lieber. And now we are at 713... One home run away from tying one of the top 3 most recognizable athletes of all time in what has historically been the most coveted record of all time. After Barry's shot slammed into a McDonald's sign at Citizens Bank Park, Israel released a statement saying, "Iran can also be wiped off the map." Iran had previously misinterpreted a Bonds long ball as a threat and promised to bomb everybody. Sounds like this is going well.

MLB is doing the right thing and has planned no celebration when Bonds eventually breaks the record, which is really kind of like throwing a victory parade for losing the World Series. ESPN on the other hand is planning a giant orgy with Bonds, Pedro Gomez, Scott Van Pelt, and just to piss everybody off Stephen A. Smith will join the fray so an ESPN basketball analyst can take some time from kissing Kobe's ass to spend some quality time dangling from Barry's nuts. Peter Gammons will break it down and Chris Berman will be available for sound effects. It sounds pretty disturbing but the producers of Bonds on Bonds are fucking pumped.

Speaking of ESPN, the race-baiters on Sportcenter are cooking up a classic straw man. In their opening for their 5:00 CST show they questioned whether the Bonds treatment has been fair and implied that race is involved. This proves that they pretty much missed the point entirely up in Bristol but probably do so with ulterior motives. They don't want to talk about steroids. Why? Who knows? It probably has something to do with the ball sucking mentioned above. That or the fact that ESPN has to have a cause.

If ESPN had a political show, these would be the talking heads.

What they don't realize is that nobody cares about Bonds blackness. Had people have known McGwire's punk ass was doing Roids, he would be getting the same treatment...without the benefit of ESPN's straw man arguments. I remember when Sportscenter was just some dudes showing 30 minutes of highlights without a "cause." Now we get 15 minutes of highlights, 30 minutes of pure speculation (will Brett Favre play 2 more years? Was Kobe making a statement? Is Stuart Scott's poetry profound?), and 15 minutes of Bonds is black, the alleged Duke victim is black, Augusta still won't let women in, there are no black people in the front office somewhere, etc. etc. etc. Seriously...shut the hell up ESPN and show me some games. I cannot wait until the Internet makes you completely irrelevant. And quit hitting home runs Barry...Son of a Bitch.

Don't worry ESPN...white people aren't going to bust out the civil rights hose for Barry Bonds.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Not Bad Philly

So night one of the Traveling Bonds Circus is over in Philly. I missed the game (Cinco de Mayo) but read all about it this morning. It appears he definitely got a lot of fan abuse, though everybody didn't go to the concourse which really would have been awesome. It was still probably the best showing so far. I think the highlight probably had to be this sign:

And some of the comments coming in have been pretty good. This is my favorite as posted by anonymous:

"Everyone can get off their high horse. It's fucking baseball. So many guys have done steroids its not even a discussion worth having. MLB is still barely cracking down anyways. Fan protests (the same fans who enjoyed the ROID fueled 90s including Big Mac and Sosa) should stop acting so righteous about this. Enjoy Bonds, enjoy his ABs, mock him, throw shit at him, do whatever. BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T DO IT ON A HIGH HORSE. Give me a break."

First of all, anonymous, you can fuck my high horse.

Second of all you are exactly right, "It's fucking baseball." This is why everybody is so pissed. Real baseball fans shouldn't and don't condone this tainted era, and if everybody just turns a blind eye and lets the one guy who is breaking all the records go, then his steroid use has been
legitimized. These are the most hallowed records in all of sports we are talking about. Baseball is deeply rooted in its history. More so than any other American sport. So because MLB isn't going to do it, and ESPN isn't going to do it, if the fans don't do anything about it, then Barry Bonds is going to take a giant moose on everything that came before him. The fans themselves become the asterisk. It will forever be, Bonds hit number 715 to a host of boos and fans leaving the stadium.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

How to Stop Bonds

Get into his head...maybe? There certainly is a lot more head to get into now than there was say 10 years ago physically speaking. With the exception of his first game in mild San Diego, Barry has pretty much been shielded by the hippies in San Francisco. It's really no surprise those Left Coasters don't have a problem with a baseball player doing drugs.

But looking at the schedule, it could get interesting for Barry. Dude has to go to Philly for a weekend series against the Phillies. Last time I checked the fans out there do not have a reputation for being passive, and I think some organized resistance is in order. We have seen people throw stuff at the guy. The syringe was pretty funny but then the toothpaste tube or whatever that was...really? But how effective have the individual efforts been? Not very.

On Baseball Tonight they were talking about a rumor that fans were going to go into the concourse for every Bonds at-bat. I like it. Don't boo. Don't throw anything at him. Just don't watch. I really don't think Bonds would care. He certainly wouldn't show any emotion and I can imagine the stale interviews after the game. But I think this sends a serious message to both MLB and to fans around the country who care about the integrity of the game. Certainly it is a lot to ask to boycott the games Barry plays in, but to boycott Bonds himself is brilliant. The problem is in the organization of the protest. If everybody tried to leave their seat when he got to the plate it would be too late. But if everybody left their seat when he was in the on-deck circle the majority of them would have time to get completely out of the the field of view. I think it would work.

Any Philly fans reading this...spread the word. Any other ideas? Leave a comment.


So Baseball Tonight talked about number 712 for the first 10 minutes of their show. What a waste. But I am pretty sure John Kruk reads this site as he finally did some analysis on all FOUR of Bonds home runs this year. They have all been out over the plate, including Linebrink's brilliant set of pitches (see below). I am still waiting for somebody to hit the guy somewhere besides the body armour. He doesn't wear anything on his legs pitchers. I really want to see what happens when guys start mixing in some low and inside stuff. What's he gonna do if you hit him? Hobble out to the mound?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Scott Linebrink Sings Like Shit

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- Barry Bonds is two away from tying the Babe.
Bonds hit his 712th home run in the San Francisco Giants' 5-3 loss to San Diego on Tuesday, moving him even closer to matching Babe Ruth's total for second place on the career list.
Bonds sent a full-count pitch from Scott Linebrink over the center-field wall for a solo shot that traveled an estimated 440 feet in the bottom of the eighth inning. Linebrink became the 419th pitcher to surrender a home run to Bonds.... THANKS A LOT SCOTT. Yeah and I bet that song kicks a lot of ass Linebrink. "I gave my love a cherry / That had no stone / I gave my love a chicken / That had no bones / I gave my love a story / That had no end / I gave my... " Where's Bluto Blutarsky when you need him?

So begins the AP article documenting the Giants 5-3 loss to the Padres. But all the nonsense about what actually happened in the game didn't start until a few paragraphs down. The real news is that Bonds is only two away from forever tainting the game of our grandfathers and great grandfathers. And right in the middle of exams no less. The prick.

In related news...the Iranians seem to have misunderstood Bonds' selfish, steroid indulged assault on the record books as some kind of a threat and promised to attack Israel if the U.S. acts "evil." Something about an infidel. I don't understand those people. Me personally? I'm not too worried about Israel. They will F Iran's S up. There aren't a whole lot of countries out there who can say they were at the winning end of a war that lasted only six days. But after that what happens? Anybody else been reading about Russia in the news lately? Just stop hitting home runs Barry...seriously.

After showing the Bonds home run over and over and over and over on Sportscenter and on Baseball Tonight, an 8.0 Earthquake was created in the Tonga Islands. As of noon CST, there is a tsunami warning for the Fiji Islands. Hopefully the death toll is down per capita as there aren't that many people in that part of the world...but whether anything happens or not I am going to go ahead and add Vijay Singh to the people who HATE Barry Bonds.